Unexpected News

So, I have news.

I'm pregnant!

Quite frankly, I'm still in shock but the husband is beside himself with excitement. If all goes well, we'll have company around February 23rd.

There's a hitch though and that's why I'm writing this post. All may not go well.

My bloodwork showed my HCG levels rising but not quite doubling as they would like and my progesterone was a little on the low side but they started me on prometrium to help fix that. There is a great chance that everything will be FINE, especially with my doctor being proactive and starting the prometrium BUT there is also a very large chance that we didn't catch it in time and I could lose the baby.

This is has been my one place where I could be totally honest and because of this I feel comfortable telling you that I am TERRIFIED. Scared shitless. There is a sweet little baby growing inside of me and I am doing everything within my power to ensure that it continues to thrive. But I guess what scares me the most are the things that I don't have control over. Not a whole lot I can do about those things except hope and pray for the best.

I have to go back on Monday for another round of blood work so we'll know more then. PLEASE keep us in your thoughts...

The Year That Was

One year ago today I was crammed into a too small room in the corner of the hospital, staring off into space as the doctor told my family there was nothing more they could do. I remember the sensation of losing all feeling in my body as I stared at the doctor's moving mouth and wondering why I could not longer hear him.

One year ago today...a piece of me died.

Death causes a sticky kind of pain that clings to your insides with ferocity. It's an overwhelming kind of pain that takes you by surprise and creeps up at moments you least expect. It's a hurt that I've learned to live with.

There aren't enough words to express how much I miss my Daddy or what I would give to have one more day.

Just one more day.