Bedside Manner

Or should I say lack thereof.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, it's been a series of back experiences with the nurse at the OBGYN office. Over the last 3 weeks we've done weekly labs and every week she calls me to tell me that she unhappy with the results and we're likely in the early stages of a miscarriage but she never brings me in for an ultrasound which is more accurate than labs alone. So we pull strings and drive an hour north to get a scan elsewhere, where we find that so far everything looks normal.

Fast forward to this week where I get the now regular "your labs suck and it's bad news" phone call. But this time she says that she consulted a doctor in the practice whom I've never seen in the 10 years I've been going there (my regular doctor is retired from OB) and supposedly he said that based on my labs this isn't a viable pregnancy and I need to schedule a time to come in so that we can set a timeline for "how long I plan to let this go on." #1 Who says shit like that? # 2....why would you say that when you've NEVER seen me and you still haven't done an ultrasound??!

I flat out told her I wasn't doing or speaking to anyone until we had a scan so she brought me in yesterday. I was sick to my stomach the entire time and was so terrified but as soon as the tech turned on the machine...there was not only a baby...but there was a heartbeat. I stared at it, just watching it flutter away like crazy. We were so happy. They were wrong yet again.

But then the nurse from hell comes in and glances at the little picture I was holding so proudly and says off handedly, "That's not normal. You're going to meet with the doctor." So again I get my feet kicked out from under me and have to meet the doctor who was so quick to write me off. He proceeds to tell me that the news wasn't good and frankly he was shocked they were able to get a fetal pole much less a heartbeat. Said the baby's heart beat isn't as fast as he feels it should be at this gestation and it will take a miracle for it to survive. Said I should expect to miscarry within the next 2 weeks.

Needless to say, I'm devastated and scared but trying to stay positive and hope for the best since they've been wrong both times before. I've also switched practices and have an appointment with the new doctor Tuesday afternoon so I am praying that maybe there will be a positive change by then. You know, I've not done a whole lot of praying since I was little and when my Dad died...I was angry with God for a REALLY long time. But as I sat in that waiting room, more scared than I have ever been...I rested my hand on top of the Bible that was on the table next to me and prayed my little heart out. I just hope he heard me.