Thursday, July 22, 2010

Married Lesson # 1- He Doesn't Think Like You Do

Why? Because he’s a guy.

Well no shit Sherlock. Like there aren’t thousands of books out there waiting to inundate my brain with lectures on his Mars and my Venus.

I’m a hip girl.

I’m down.

I paid attention in class when they warned us that if our boyfriends had the emotional range of a teaspoon…it was perfectly normal. And I never questioned it…because boys are boys and that’s just how they are.

Fortunately for me however…I didn’t marry a boy, I married a man. Given a little time on the vine to ripen and mature…a man’s emotional range can extend beyond the measure of household kitchen utensils. Though that is not to say that he thinks like me anymore now than he did before but the difference is that now he at least TRIES to understand and relate.

And following suit, I try to be understanding of where he’s coming from…which in our household tends to be a much less emotional place. Jess is of the “It is what it is…so just let it go and move on” school of thought. Whereas as I take things to heart and have a hard time moving forward without some sort of resolution.

We lovingly refer to these differences in our personalities as the duck and the sponge. He has the enviable waterproof duck feathers that allow everything to roll right off of him, while I soak everything up like a little sponge. Understandably, the combination of the two can sometimes be a recipe for frustration or hurt feelings but as we are learning…marriage is about work , love and forgiveness.

And it’s also about trying to meet in the middle.

So for now Jess is floating along, valiantly hoping for a little water retention…while I bask in the warm sun, trying to dry up.

Now that’s love.


Princess Pessimism said...

well - at leats you guys are meeting in the middle and being understanding of each others differences. Thats awesome

berly02 said...

Sun for us sponges is essential. :)

Keshi said...

very well written. Absolutely loved it! :)

I dig that duck n sponge theory!


Professor Fate said...

When you get over-saturated and an open & frank exchange of opinions (a fight) happens (and it will happen - that is the nature of living with someone), just remember that he doesn't process things the same way you do. It will be frustrating. Don't let that frustration tempted you into fighting unfairly.

The open and frank exchange may be started when his feathers lose some of their duckiness and his tail gets wet.

Maja said...

Meeting in the middle is the best bit :)

Professor Fate said...

I don't remember if I shared this with you.

I found a marriage blogger who agrees with me philosophically: "Marriage is more about becoming a better human than it is about the two people being happy. And when you keep things simple, you can experience more in marriage and life." *

Simply Marriage: A better marriage by keeping it simple.

Take a look at the beginners guide. I think he leans a little too much on the spiritual at times, but he has some good non-religious solutions to things.

*That doesn't mean your life should be miserable, but growth can be painful and you shouldn't flee just because things aren't all sweetness and light.

Lindsey said...


Thanks for the sight. I bookmarked it and have browsed through it and found some interesting articles. Definitely worth checking into. :o)

Professor Fate said...

I think the philosophy of solving small issues before they become problems is as valid as the you are responsible for your own happiness.